October 25th, 2012
I saw Eve at the Wednesday night big book meeting. She came in shortly after I arrived and sat down, didn't say anything to me or even look at me directly, and then left before the meeting started. I was worried about her but not freaked out. The meeting was good, we read and discussed the 'actor' part of the book, about being an actor but wanting to be the director who controls everything. It was a good meeting and it tied-in to the NA meeting I attended earlier that week where we talked about spiritual imbalances leading us back to our Addict nature, specifically the desire to scheme. I got my job as Secretary of the group conscience back, even though we didn't have a business meeting that night. Afterward outside I was enjoying the fellowship and a cigarette and turning my phone back on. I checked my texts and saw that Eve had sent me one.
" You know me more than anyone, really really!!" followed shortly by another message.
" Things don't turn on and off like water, I know I tried!"
I called her phone from the parking lot of a nearby secondhand store, while my friend looked inside for a used child seat to fit a road bike.
" Hello?" her voice was hoarse I could tell she'd been crying.
" Hey..." I let that hang in the air for a few seconds. " ... are you alright??"
" I tried to turn it all off, but I can't. I'm such a big baby about all this."
" Don't say that, look I'm almost out of minutes, did you want to meet me in the park and just talk?"
" Okay."
"Alright, give me about 15 minutes." I hung up.
Eve was in her car parked in front of the freshly constructed apartments on the edge of the river. I felt a nervous flutter in my chest as I opened the passenger door and climbed in. I hadn't been this close to her in five days. Not since our breakup, the subsequent reuniting, and separation in lieu of the theft of Eve's wallet by an unknown party. Events which set into motion a giant shit-storm that resulted in everyone taking a giant chunk out of Eves life. Her children and her sponsor had dictated several conditions that they had no right to dictate;
What she could do.
Who she could see.
Where she could go.
All decided by her son and her sponsor, reinforced by threats; basically everything Eve had to say was wrong and everything she wanted to do was irrelevant. Her son's need to control everything, inflamed by his fear and overbearing nature combine with her sponsors misandry provided them the oppoptunity to hijack Eves life.
We hugged and then we gushed, both of us trying to say as much as we could about the last five days.
" My son said that if I didn't agree to everything he would tell the landlord I had violated the building policies and get me evicted so I'd have to move in with him. Then my sponsor said that the living situation here was fine, it was just the men in my life that I needed to get rid of and..." Eve pause and smiled at me. " I told myself that they could take whatever they wanted but they couldn't take my heart, you're my rock, my rock." Then we hugged.
" I never thought you'd speak to me again, when I sent you those texts and you didn't respond I thought..." I cut her off.
" They looked like 'forwards' I thought you sent them to me by accident. That's why I didn't respond." I put in.
" Then when you sent that text about being in the park if my son wanted to say something to your face..." Eve made a frustrated groan."Everyone around me was saying all these things about you, but they don't know you like I do."
Hugging, kissing, the holding of hands.
" I thought you'd never speak to me again, especially after the storage unit.After we left my sponsor said 'what not even and I love you or anything?' it just mad me so mad!"
" I didn't know if I was 'allowed' to speak to you, the air I got from your sponsor was pretty authoritarian." I said.
We talked some more then took a walk down the bike trail, away from the river toward the nearby lake. We sat on a picnic table near the rest area, more cuddling and such. The sky was dark and rainy but the air was warm, probably one of the last warm evenings of the year. Little peels of lightning were bouncing off the rain-rippled surface of the lake. We decided not to cut off communication with each other, which goes against my sponsors recommendation, her's too. Everyone is trying to protect us from each other and probably ourselves. But sometimes you just know when a thing is right and we're right, right now. I know that I need to focus on fixing and stabilizing my life right now. I feel that Eve and I can grow together given the chance. I think this night was for us, to cut the clutter and figure it all out.
I saw Eve at the Wednesday night big book meeting. She came in shortly after I arrived and sat down, didn't say anything to me or even look at me directly, and then left before the meeting started. I was worried about her but not freaked out. The meeting was good, we read and discussed the 'actor' part of the book, about being an actor but wanting to be the director who controls everything. It was a good meeting and it tied-in to the NA meeting I attended earlier that week where we talked about spiritual imbalances leading us back to our Addict nature, specifically the desire to scheme. I got my job as Secretary of the group conscience back, even though we didn't have a business meeting that night. Afterward outside I was enjoying the fellowship and a cigarette and turning my phone back on. I checked my texts and saw that Eve had sent me one.
" You know me more than anyone, really really!!" followed shortly by another message.
" Things don't turn on and off like water, I know I tried!"
I called her phone from the parking lot of a nearby secondhand store, while my friend looked inside for a used child seat to fit a road bike.
" Hello?" her voice was hoarse I could tell she'd been crying.
" Hey..." I let that hang in the air for a few seconds. " ... are you alright??"
" I tried to turn it all off, but I can't. I'm such a big baby about all this."
" Don't say that, look I'm almost out of minutes, did you want to meet me in the park and just talk?"
" Okay."
"Alright, give me about 15 minutes." I hung up.
Eve was in her car parked in front of the freshly constructed apartments on the edge of the river. I felt a nervous flutter in my chest as I opened the passenger door and climbed in. I hadn't been this close to her in five days. Not since our breakup, the subsequent reuniting, and separation in lieu of the theft of Eve's wallet by an unknown party. Events which set into motion a giant shit-storm that resulted in everyone taking a giant chunk out of Eves life. Her children and her sponsor had dictated several conditions that they had no right to dictate;
What she could do.
Who she could see.
Where she could go.
All decided by her son and her sponsor, reinforced by threats; basically everything Eve had to say was wrong and everything she wanted to do was irrelevant. Her son's need to control everything, inflamed by his fear and overbearing nature combine with her sponsors misandry provided them the oppoptunity to hijack Eves life.
We hugged and then we gushed, both of us trying to say as much as we could about the last five days.
" My son said that if I didn't agree to everything he would tell the landlord I had violated the building policies and get me evicted so I'd have to move in with him. Then my sponsor said that the living situation here was fine, it was just the men in my life that I needed to get rid of and..." Eve pause and smiled at me. " I told myself that they could take whatever they wanted but they couldn't take my heart, you're my rock, my rock." Then we hugged.
" I never thought you'd speak to me again, when I sent you those texts and you didn't respond I thought..." I cut her off.
" They looked like 'forwards' I thought you sent them to me by accident. That's why I didn't respond." I put in.
" Then when you sent that text about being in the park if my son wanted to say something to your face..." Eve made a frustrated groan."Everyone around me was saying all these things about you, but they don't know you like I do."
Hugging, kissing, the holding of hands.
" I thought you'd never speak to me again, especially after the storage unit.After we left my sponsor said 'what not even and I love you or anything?' it just mad me so mad!"
" I didn't know if I was 'allowed' to speak to you, the air I got from your sponsor was pretty authoritarian." I said.
We talked some more then took a walk down the bike trail, away from the river toward the nearby lake. We sat on a picnic table near the rest area, more cuddling and such. The sky was dark and rainy but the air was warm, probably one of the last warm evenings of the year. Little peels of lightning were bouncing off the rain-rippled surface of the lake. We decided not to cut off communication with each other, which goes against my sponsors recommendation, her's too. Everyone is trying to protect us from each other and probably ourselves. But sometimes you just know when a thing is right and we're right, right now. I know that I need to focus on fixing and stabilizing my life right now. I feel that Eve and I can grow together given the chance. I think this night was for us, to cut the clutter and figure it all out.
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