September 7th, 2012
Alot has happened, I couldn't even tell you all of it, even if I could. Too much detail, too much motion. So I will paraphrase it. Still off my routine, which really sucks. I don't know how I'd feel if I was back in my routine but probably better than I feel being out of it. I spent a week extricating Melanie from Eves life. I went over there everyday, observed their interaction and told Eve the truth.
" Melanie is using you."
Melanie is also talking alot of shit about me, me and a lot of other folks from the shelter, and pretty much everyone in general. So I did what I could, seeing that Eve was headed for an emotional breakdown. I convinced her to stand up to Melanie and that got Melanie the fuck out of her apartment!
Eve and I went camping immediately after the extraction with her friends in the southern part of the state. The 'campground' was a small strip of property that bordered a rather extensive series of bike trails. Pretty sure my mother and I went on an excursion there when I was a teenager. Had a really good time, tried a desert called 'Trisha Yearwoods Crack' and later saved Eve from freezing to death with my body heat.
I feel low today, I need a job so I won't freeze to death this winter. I need to put all my school shit into order for next fall as well and quit kicking myself for failing to get in this fall. all of it feels like more of the same to me, more struggle, more tests, just more shit and familiar shit so ten times worse. Also been working on a board game idea, but I haven't made any progress on it yet, one of my problems is that I tend to 'compost' on my idea's for far too long. The truth is in the doing, not thinking about the doing. This journal entry is in fact my attempt to get back into my routine since I haven't been journaling either during this time.
Though I now realize that is some ways routine was hindering my progress. Eve feels bad about all the time I spent fixing her Melanie problem, as if she critically damaged my sobriety with the whole thing. But honestly I've been somewhat out of it ever since I got back from Indiana and found myself still homeless, unemployed, and alcoholic (albeit recovering).
I applied at a local job service, but made the mistake of engaging in a religious conversation with the Secretary, who it turns out is of the super christian variety, by which I mean super judgmental. They have yet to call me, Eve say I should call them, but I haven't. It's not what I'm doing that killing me, it's what I'm not doing. Not looking for work, not working on the things I'm passionate about, not going to meetings.
Tomorrow I have plasma and an Intergroup picnic, Intergroup is an umbrella term for events that incorporate AA and NA people. But around here most meetings are Intergroup whether they state it or not. After that I have a 'line' meeting at a Chinese Buffet place with everyone in my line of sponsorship, the topic being our second annual spiritual retreat next January, hopefully I can use all of this to fuel my return to the program and my routine.
Saw S.A.D. at the coffee shop, apologized, we talked and we're finally cool again, this day has gone from utter shit to not half bad. 'The Four Hour Work Week' is my new model for income. Work harder not smarter, attack your strengths, and don't fear failure. You have to fail more to succeed.
I traded the Barriste a rubber 'clinique' bracelet I found, a necklace, and a 'Settlers of Catan' dicebag full of condoms for a pack of menthol dunhills someone left at the coffee shop. Turns out they belong to my friend Al, but he didn't mind... since they'd already gone through the barter system. Turns out it's also Al's birthday, so I did feel kinda bad about it. Oh well, onward.
Alot has happened, I couldn't even tell you all of it, even if I could. Too much detail, too much motion. So I will paraphrase it. Still off my routine, which really sucks. I don't know how I'd feel if I was back in my routine but probably better than I feel being out of it. I spent a week extricating Melanie from Eves life. I went over there everyday, observed their interaction and told Eve the truth.
" Melanie is using you."
Melanie is also talking alot of shit about me, me and a lot of other folks from the shelter, and pretty much everyone in general. So I did what I could, seeing that Eve was headed for an emotional breakdown. I convinced her to stand up to Melanie and that got Melanie the fuck out of her apartment!
Eve and I went camping immediately after the extraction with her friends in the southern part of the state. The 'campground' was a small strip of property that bordered a rather extensive series of bike trails. Pretty sure my mother and I went on an excursion there when I was a teenager. Had a really good time, tried a desert called 'Trisha Yearwoods Crack' and later saved Eve from freezing to death with my body heat.
I feel low today, I need a job so I won't freeze to death this winter. I need to put all my school shit into order for next fall as well and quit kicking myself for failing to get in this fall. all of it feels like more of the same to me, more struggle, more tests, just more shit and familiar shit so ten times worse. Also been working on a board game idea, but I haven't made any progress on it yet, one of my problems is that I tend to 'compost' on my idea's for far too long. The truth is in the doing, not thinking about the doing. This journal entry is in fact my attempt to get back into my routine since I haven't been journaling either during this time.
Though I now realize that is some ways routine was hindering my progress. Eve feels bad about all the time I spent fixing her Melanie problem, as if she critically damaged my sobriety with the whole thing. But honestly I've been somewhat out of it ever since I got back from Indiana and found myself still homeless, unemployed, and alcoholic (albeit recovering).
I applied at a local job service, but made the mistake of engaging in a religious conversation with the Secretary, who it turns out is of the super christian variety, by which I mean super judgmental. They have yet to call me, Eve say I should call them, but I haven't. It's not what I'm doing that killing me, it's what I'm not doing. Not looking for work, not working on the things I'm passionate about, not going to meetings.
Tomorrow I have plasma and an Intergroup picnic, Intergroup is an umbrella term for events that incorporate AA and NA people. But around here most meetings are Intergroup whether they state it or not. After that I have a 'line' meeting at a Chinese Buffet place with everyone in my line of sponsorship, the topic being our second annual spiritual retreat next January, hopefully I can use all of this to fuel my return to the program and my routine.
Saw S.A.D. at the coffee shop, apologized, we talked and we're finally cool again, this day has gone from utter shit to not half bad. 'The Four Hour Work Week' is my new model for income. Work harder not smarter, attack your strengths, and don't fear failure. You have to fail more to succeed.
I traded the Barriste a rubber 'clinique' bracelet I found, a necklace, and a 'Settlers of Catan' dicebag full of condoms for a pack of menthol dunhills someone left at the coffee shop. Turns out they belong to my friend Al, but he didn't mind... since they'd already gone through the barter system. Turns out it's also Al's birthday, so I did feel kinda bad about it. Oh well, onward.
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