Ethan gave me his 'broken' laptop yesterday, the only thing wrong with it is a busted hard drive. But I'm getting a 350 Gigabyte hard drive from a coffee shop regular for free sometime soon. Basically I just have to wait for him to format it and bring it to me. Trying to decide what operating system to put on it is the only real dilemma. The tag on the base says it came loaded with Windows XP home edition. I like XP fine but probably gonna go with XP professional. In either case I still need to look up the model and find all the drivers for it. In other news I'm experiencing some frustration over my feelings for Eve. Purely and simply I cannot be in a relationship right now, with anyone. I'm in a bit of corner dealing with how to get out of this without hurting her. Do I tell my sponsor? I should, he's never spilled his guts on any of my other deep dark secrets. Not that it's that deep or that dark at this point. I'll ask him for advice on Tuesday when we meet, I don't know what to do, maybe he does. I feel like anyone in the program knowing about my relationship status could lead to harsh or at the very least an inappropriate judgement. Though maybe the women in the program would think better of me for my transparency... either way I'm worried about what other people think of me and that shit needs to stop before it snowballs into something more serious in my brain. Mostly i just think any judgement I receive would be mixed. something like;
"Look at Max, he's not tied up with appearances, age differences, or the sanctity of marriage."
Regardless of how they judge me, if they do, it's on them not me. I don't want to be a pariah in the group but I can't afford to let other people, no matter who they are, assign my self value. Perhaps I should aim for being a pariah, it would probably diminish the odds of me having the opportunity to date anyone else at this point. Or at the very least ensure that the shallow people would stay the fuck away from me. I could have handled things with S.A.D. better, she un-friended me on facebook last night. which I found odd especially considering that we were both in agreement that facebook based drama sucks. My sponsor pointed out that stepping away from a heated conversation for a day or so before responding is always a good idea. Fault lies on both sides of the equation. If she wants to hold a grudge that's her affair. I will forgive her and try to be her best friend... which is how I usually deal with people I dislike these days. Hope she's ready for that curve ball!
"Look at Max, he's not tied up with appearances, age differences, or the sanctity of marriage."
Regardless of how they judge me, if they do, it's on them not me. I don't want to be a pariah in the group but I can't afford to let other people, no matter who they are, assign my self value. Perhaps I should aim for being a pariah, it would probably diminish the odds of me having the opportunity to date anyone else at this point. Or at the very least ensure that the shallow people would stay the fuck away from me. I could have handled things with S.A.D. better, she un-friended me on facebook last night. which I found odd especially considering that we were both in agreement that facebook based drama sucks. My sponsor pointed out that stepping away from a heated conversation for a day or so before responding is always a good idea. Fault lies on both sides of the equation. If she wants to hold a grudge that's her affair. I will forgive her and try to be her best friend... which is how I usually deal with people I dislike these days. Hope she's ready for that curve ball!
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