July 18th, 2012
I still haven't worked out but it wasn't a lack of motivation this time. It was the missing water extruder from the wall at the YMCA. I workout in the same shorts I shower in and today I needed a shower BEFORE my workout. Which left me without dry shorts for my workout because I only noticed the absence of the water extruder after my shower. So... I groomed myself and made my way down to the coffee shop. I can't be upset about it, these are the terms the univers has given me. Why struggle with the will of the universe? You can't dictate to reality, or at the very least I've never figured out how to. One more evening on Richards couch, I'll meditate tonight and in the morning I'll know what to do and I'll do it.
The Max's of this moment have already split into many directions. Particularly Tijuana Max, and Menomonee Max, and to some degree even Indianapolis Max is running around making his own plans for my future. But this Max still has to pay off his storage unit, finish his college application, and find a place to sleep tonight. Tomorrow I'm donating plasma and possibly working for 'K' again. Working for the local Job Service is far less attractive and far more uncertain. Despite that I think I still have to try, or rather... I know that I have to try. I was on a tight schedule with my bills (YMCA + Storage Unit = 50$ a month) when an erroneous 15$ charge threw everything out of whack. But as usual I've just been going back and forth between ignoring it and beating myself up about it.
Now it just is. Which brings me to the next thing I've been beating myself up about; Eve.
Eve has become attached to me, we had a very strange encounter at the Soup Kitchen. Most likely the result of the make out session / kissing marathon we had last weekend. Despite my honest warning before all this started I still feel to blame. I been brainstorming on ways to mitigate the situation and I've brought myself to the conclusion that the best way to mitigate this situation is to not mitigate it. If you think about what you want to say ahead of time, in any situation, you are simultaneously projecting into the future and eliminating any chance of speaking from the heart. I'll talk to Eve when I give her back the key to her apartment. I'll try not to say 'I told you so' or 'I knew this would happen', but perhaps simply reiterate that I cannot be in a relationship.
I still haven't worked out but it wasn't a lack of motivation this time. It was the missing water extruder from the wall at the YMCA. I workout in the same shorts I shower in and today I needed a shower BEFORE my workout. Which left me without dry shorts for my workout because I only noticed the absence of the water extruder after my shower. So... I groomed myself and made my way down to the coffee shop. I can't be upset about it, these are the terms the univers has given me. Why struggle with the will of the universe? You can't dictate to reality, or at the very least I've never figured out how to. One more evening on Richards couch, I'll meditate tonight and in the morning I'll know what to do and I'll do it.
The Max's of this moment have already split into many directions. Particularly Tijuana Max, and Menomonee Max, and to some degree even Indianapolis Max is running around making his own plans for my future. But this Max still has to pay off his storage unit, finish his college application, and find a place to sleep tonight. Tomorrow I'm donating plasma and possibly working for 'K' again. Working for the local Job Service is far less attractive and far more uncertain. Despite that I think I still have to try, or rather... I know that I have to try. I was on a tight schedule with my bills (YMCA + Storage Unit = 50$ a month) when an erroneous 15$ charge threw everything out of whack. But as usual I've just been going back and forth between ignoring it and beating myself up about it.
Now it just is. Which brings me to the next thing I've been beating myself up about; Eve.
Eve has become attached to me, we had a very strange encounter at the Soup Kitchen. Most likely the result of the make out session / kissing marathon we had last weekend. Despite my honest warning before all this started I still feel to blame. I been brainstorming on ways to mitigate the situation and I've brought myself to the conclusion that the best way to mitigate this situation is to not mitigate it. If you think about what you want to say ahead of time, in any situation, you are simultaneously projecting into the future and eliminating any chance of speaking from the heart. I'll talk to Eve when I give her back the key to her apartment. I'll try not to say 'I told you so' or 'I knew this would happen', but perhaps simply reiterate that I cannot be in a relationship.
No comments:
Post a Comment