July 26th, 2012
Work with 'K' has been cancelled today which suits me, I could always use 20$ even when I'm fat on cash. But it suits me because I have plenty of other things to attend. Paying off storage, weightlifting, possibly laundry (though the possibility is looking bleaker these days), my seventh step prayer and a Big Book Study later in the evening. The prequel to all of which is getting my placement test setup with the university. Now that I've projected the day ahead let's talk about the day behind. Stayed at the shelter last night, went to Bianca's before hand but no dice there.
" The shelter is gonna be pretty full tonight, gonna try to get in anyway, but if I can't is there any possibility I can crash here? " I asked Bianca.
She sighed. "Uh.... my apartment is really messy right now... so... sorry."
I'm not bitter but my look probably made me appear so. I've known Bianca for roughly 17 years, since junior high in fact. So I didn't argue. I didn't state that the cleanliness of her apartment was the least of my concerns at that moment. Perhaps I should have offered to help her clean it. I would have, but I sensed that it was flimsy excuse for her to say no anyway and I didn't feel like pressing the matter. I've already lost a lot friends this year, I'd like to salvage as many as possible.
Looks like Biancas new lens on life has already darkened. Be that as it may it's her affair and I can't afford the time or the emotional strain it would take to get angry about something like this anymore. So back tot he shelter I went, in the line at 6 O'clock before someone pointed out that the 90 day plus crowd has their own separate line now, it begins exactly where the other line ends. Terrence was there before me but I slipped past him. A methedone addict tried to cross my name off the sign-in sheet, even though I was there long before he was. I told Terrence that if it came down to him or me getting a bed for the night I'd leave and he could take it. We both ended up being able to stay because two of the newer arrivals decided to leave after dinner for an overnight job. I thanked both of them even though it had nothing to do with me, either way I've never been so grateful to have a bed. At least not for a few months.
All of which made me realize that I've been feeling entitled lately. It's almost 11 am right now, I really need to kick this day into gear. In general I just need to do more, and find a way to live by my own advice and means. If you take care of the moment wholeheartedly tomorrow takes care of itself.... so take care of it.
Work with 'K' has been cancelled today which suits me, I could always use 20$ even when I'm fat on cash. But it suits me because I have plenty of other things to attend. Paying off storage, weightlifting, possibly laundry (though the possibility is looking bleaker these days), my seventh step prayer and a Big Book Study later in the evening. The prequel to all of which is getting my placement test setup with the university. Now that I've projected the day ahead let's talk about the day behind. Stayed at the shelter last night, went to Bianca's before hand but no dice there.
" The shelter is gonna be pretty full tonight, gonna try to get in anyway, but if I can't is there any possibility I can crash here? " I asked Bianca.
She sighed. "Uh.... my apartment is really messy right now... so... sorry."
I'm not bitter but my look probably made me appear so. I've known Bianca for roughly 17 years, since junior high in fact. So I didn't argue. I didn't state that the cleanliness of her apartment was the least of my concerns at that moment. Perhaps I should have offered to help her clean it. I would have, but I sensed that it was flimsy excuse for her to say no anyway and I didn't feel like pressing the matter. I've already lost a lot friends this year, I'd like to salvage as many as possible.
Looks like Biancas new lens on life has already darkened. Be that as it may it's her affair and I can't afford the time or the emotional strain it would take to get angry about something like this anymore. So back tot he shelter I went, in the line at 6 O'clock before someone pointed out that the 90 day plus crowd has their own separate line now, it begins exactly where the other line ends. Terrence was there before me but I slipped past him. A methedone addict tried to cross my name off the sign-in sheet, even though I was there long before he was. I told Terrence that if it came down to him or me getting a bed for the night I'd leave and he could take it. We both ended up being able to stay because two of the newer arrivals decided to leave after dinner for an overnight job. I thanked both of them even though it had nothing to do with me, either way I've never been so grateful to have a bed. At least not for a few months.
All of which made me realize that I've been feeling entitled lately. It's almost 11 am right now, I really need to kick this day into gear. In general I just need to do more, and find a way to live by my own advice and means. If you take care of the moment wholeheartedly tomorrow takes care of itself.... so take care of it.
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